I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
