I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
