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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.

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When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.

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If you can't beat them, taze them.

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.