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Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.

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When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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You live and you learn.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Got an issue? Get a tissue.

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The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.