NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Always remember to smile.
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
