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NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.

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Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

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The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.