Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
