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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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True friends stab you in the front!

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.