If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Perception is everything.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
It's weird not to be weird.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
