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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.

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Fall in love with my mind.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.