If your not going to win the argument, lie.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
