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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.

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I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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If you can't beat them, taze them.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.

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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....