If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
Everybody spread positivity.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
True friends stab you in the front!
