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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.