If your not going to win the argument, lie.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
