Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
You're only as good as your last game.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
