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Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.

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I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?

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If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Fall in love with my mind.

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Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.

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I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.

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Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.

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Maturity is knowing when to be immature.

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I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.