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Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'