Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Everybody spread positivity.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
