Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
