Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
