Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
It's weird not to be weird.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
