Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
