Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Love needs to get glasses.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
