Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Everybody is a student for life.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
