Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
