Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
