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Maturity is knowing when to be immature.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.