Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
