Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
