Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Always remember to smile.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
