Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
