Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Be positive for no reason.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
