Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
You're only as good as your last game.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
