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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

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If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.