Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Make money, don't let it make you.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
