Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
