Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
