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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.

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Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.