Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
It's weird not to be weird.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Everybody spread positivity.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
