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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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If you got haters, you must be doing something right.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.