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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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The world is full of guys, be a man.

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If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.

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Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.