Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Real eyes realize real lies.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
