Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
