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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.

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The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Face your problems, don't facebook them.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?