I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
F that B.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
