I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
You live and you learn.
