I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
