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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.

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When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.