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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.

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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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The world is full of guys, be a man.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.

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Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.

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Haters are just confused admirers.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.