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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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You live and you learn.

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I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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Immaturity keeps me young.

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.