That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
