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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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Haters are just confused admirers.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.