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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Everybody is a student for life.