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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.

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Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.