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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.