No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Love needs to get glasses.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
