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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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You live and you learn.

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.