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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.