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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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Everybody spread positivity.

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.

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The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.

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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!