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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

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I swear to drunk I'm not god.

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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.

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Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.