The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
