The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Everybody is a student for life.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
