The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
