If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
True friends stab you in the front!
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
