If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
