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If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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You don't have to understand to be understanding.

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Make money, don't let it make you.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.