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If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.

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Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.