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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.

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Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Always remember to smile.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.