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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.

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Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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Nice shoes! Wanna screw?

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Everybody spread positivity.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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You do not learn anything by doing everything right.

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Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.