The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
