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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.

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Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.