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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

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I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.

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Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?