The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
