The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
