Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
The last thing I want to do is die.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
