Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
