Winners do what other people won't.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
The last thing I want to do is die.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
