Winners do what other people won't.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
