Winners do what other people won't.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Everybody is a student for life.
