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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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You're only as good as your last game.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.