Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
