Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Fall in love with my mind.
