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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.

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When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.