I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
I eat problems, then shit out success.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
