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I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.

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If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.

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Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.

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Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.