I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
