I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Perception is everything.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
