I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
