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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.