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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

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Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?