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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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S_CCESS can't be complete without U.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.