You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.