You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
You're only as good as your last game.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
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