You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...