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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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Perception is everything.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'