You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Everybody is a student for life.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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