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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.

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Haters make you famous.

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I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.