You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
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