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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.