You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
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