You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
F that B.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |