You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Take it easy, give it hard.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.