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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Got an issue? Get a tissue.

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Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.

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When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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Haters make you famous.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?