You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.