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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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The world is full of guys, be a man.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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You know you love her when people think you're crazy.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.