Regret lasts longer than fear.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
