Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Make money, don't let it make you.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
