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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.