Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Real eyes realize real lies.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
