Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
