Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
