If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Winners do what other people won't.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Perception is everything.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
