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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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True friends stab you in the front!

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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Be positive for no reason.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.