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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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F that B.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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Always remember to smile.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.