Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
It's weird not to be weird.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
