Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
