Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
Playing comes first, you can work later.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
Haters are just confused admirers.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
