Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
