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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.

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I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.

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Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.

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Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.