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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.

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You know you love her when people think you're crazy.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.