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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.