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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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True friends stab you in the front!

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F that B.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.