Born to be different, like everyone else.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
