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I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Trust in God but lock your car.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

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It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.

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You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.