I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
