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I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

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It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.

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You do not learn anything by doing everything right.

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Be positive for no reason.

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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.

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Everybody spread positivity.

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My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.