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I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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I eat problems, then shit out success.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.