I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Love needs to get glasses.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
