I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Haters are just confused admirers.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
