If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Winners do what other people won't.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
You live and you learn.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
