If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
