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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.