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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.

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New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

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Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.