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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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Always remember to smile.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.